OMG!!!I have never been able to recreate a full body orgasm during meditation, although I hear this is possible. I had an experience of a full body orgasm during meditation once but I saw some “violence” and wondered if I was being “punished” for wanting the experience of an orgasm.

OM...
You are trying to re-create a full body orgasm, but it has to happen on its own. You cannot be the doer while you are in union with a partner or practicing meditation on your own. Surrender is the key.

Kundalini experience can be horrific if there has been no prior preparation. As you know, it can be wonderful, but it is no frivolous event.

The scriptures say there are 27 ways to receive shaktipat (and thus awaken Kundalini) depending on one’s disposition, so it can be either pleasurable or horrifying. As the unfolding of the central channel takes place, there is a real danger of irritating Kundalini. If the nadis (there are 72,000 currents of energy that start at the chakra centers) are blocked, the energy has no where to go and diseases and adverse emotions are real possibilities. To avoid this you must have total control of the mind and the breath and do practices to control the senses.

I have not heard of anyone dying from kundalini crisis, but then the dead are not around to tell us, are they! Seriously though, love is the ultimate achievement from kundalini awakening so when fear is present, it will interfere with the process. Fear stops love, love stops fear.

I would not dwell on the past, wondering if you screwed up an opportunity, or hoping for a repeat performance. It won’t happen, but everything you experience is just what you needed. The past cannot be a re-created moment. You have to live fully in the present and have no expectations while having full faith. That is the best outcome.

You have to trust and surrender. The ego mind left brain wants you to question, have fear and doubt. But Maa Kundalini wants the best for you, she loves you. And like any loving mother, she wants to give you everything, but has to be sure that you are prepared and responsible enough to receive all that she has to give before she goes gives you more. She can only give you what you are capable of receiving. The aspirant must have the attitude of the vira, the warrior.

The “violence” you saw was not punishment. In the spiritual world there is no duality of good and bad. It is more likely showing you something about yourself that you have to clear before moving on.

Continue to purify your senses through meditation and breath. With closed eyes focus on the area between the eyebrows, keep the tongue in khechari mudra (at the roof of the mouth), be aware of the natural sound of breath. Breathe in “So” slowly, bringing the breath in through the nose to the base of the spine. Lock the anal sphincter muscle. Release, exhale “Hum” and bring the breath back up the spine.

This is a good practice to do a minimum of 5 minutes a day. You can also purify with mantras, yantras, yoga exercises such as Rishis, Tibetan Five Rites, Sun Salutations.